This took the longest and it was the hardest one to do, based on the mere fact I didn’t know what to talk about. I promised you in the second part that I would talk to you about happier times, but well now I just have to find them. I guess this year 2003; I have learnt a lot of things in Canberra . What to do in study, what subjects to do and avoid. I’m also getting the idea of a social life.
In some ways I feel I have failed in some ways, disappointing my English teacher and uncle with college marks. This last couple terms have been going well. The subject Fantasy has been good and Media has been a new experience for me which I hope to achieve well from. Maths I will continue to work on and Computing has been ok, which teach you software that cost a mint and most chances are you’ll never use.
That’s the thing with school, it’s not what you learn in school that’s important, it’s the result, the mark, school report card that counts. I thought it was better to learn something that was useful and would be used in the outside world. But over the years I was proven wrong over and over. I may have learnt a lot but the mark didn’t reflect it. For example for a computer class that showed us no good work what so ever, I got a B+ for it, but the work will never be used. It was typing and Excel work. Everyone knew how to do it and we all wanted to learn HTML but we were always stuck with the basis work in Grade 9.
Other than college I have made a good looking web site which costs me abit sometimes, but its fine for now until next year. I want to plan some payments from writers, it takes money to make web site and I don’t think it’s much for what I ask. I do all the work and the others get the reward of their work up their on the Internet. I’m not even after a profit, just some aid to pay the thing off every year, or half year. It’s gone well with many writers and artists commenting on how good it is. But for 2004, the rules will be changing and I will be a backbencher. This will be the biggest test for Writersmuster, to see how well it goes without their founder leading the charge with short novels and stories and pushing other writers to do work. Either they do or not, either Writersmuster lives on or dies.
Writersmuster has come of age, it does have writers now who post in work and chat and talk about their writing which is great. But I fear if I go walkabouts with study that it will die off in the future. I hope it doesn’t and it will continue. I have a good feeling that it will live on, with the sort of people they have. It took a long time for the group to take off, and the amount of spin off groups it created also proves Writersmuster’s power of writers. There has been Independent Music Talk, Reading Writing Arts, CJT Fan Club Group which I believe it’s still strange to have our own fan group and there have been others which I don’t know of.
The social life factor has moved a little in the right direction. I have meet a group of good friends who know me and they live close which is good. I have form a character where most groups in the college know me and respect me for who I am… The other factor is will be a surprise to people who know me little, but for people who have known me for five years plus, this will be a big shock. I have experienced the first heartbreak which the actual thing was small but getting there was long and hard. I’ve only had the one girlfriend who she was into the same things that I was in, but she ended saying she felt it wasn’t the time for her for relationships. Other than that that’s all. I am one of the biggest disgraced males on the planet when it comes to relationships. The so called author of the romance/fantasy Seasons series is in opposite the worst womanizer in the world. Even worst I have lived with woman for the first 14 years of my life, I feel more conformable when I talk to woman for some reason, maybe because I didn’t have a male experience in my childhood because of a missing father.
The asking out took place in an e-mail, and failed quicker than the falling of the twin towers. I guess after this I starting to think there is something wrong with me, the strange writer who thinks more of fantasy than skateboarding and parties. That could be the problem, being a writer; it is appealing to the women of this world? I don’t know, I think I’m just being hard on myself or you logical people would say I’m talking crap again. Sadly for me I’m an emotional person, the girl would have wiped clean of this e-mail after five minutes, while I’m still hurting after two months with the thought and questioning of what went wrong and what is wrong with me? But it doesn’t matter in some ways, who wants a strange writer with a unpleasure past, suffers from depression, who really isn’t that smart or good looking, anyone for takers
The theme of the last chapter is Unbreakable, which as you have seen in the last paragraph, it doesn’t apply to all factors of my life. I think I have come a long way and adulthood is here. Wow, that’s fucking exciting, there’s nothing for adulthood for me. , expect now I can sell things anyway when I get tired of PC games, still I will get ripped off by the sellers. Everyone thinks the 18 th birthday is great but I don’t like drinking or really parties or pubs. I guess Unbreakable means to me, that adulthood is the point of no return, there is no going back. Of course you’re thinking how I could quit, there are ways and I have thought of this once or twice in my life…
I will learn to like adulthood in the end I believe and find interesting features of being an adult. Getting a job which chances are I won’t like doing it and be doing it for the money like 70% of our workers in this world. Renting out a flat will be an ideal for me. It will be like back in home again for me. I might get a car, but I scared of driving into a tree, that’s why I feel funny about the driving test.
Unbreakable the song that you would have heard on the web site talks also about ‘I’ve been through the tough times’ and that’s true. I’ve seen and been through the worst of it and I believe only good can come to my future. Only you can control your own destiny and that’s what I hope to do for myself, and making it a good one. I remember my Nana saying that doesn’t matter if I a garbage collector as long as I’m happy in life and have a roof and some food in my tummy, that’s the only thing that counts. I believe in that too, and that’s I’m after. I don’t really want a high demanding job, like owning a million dollar business unless someone is willing to do the work for me! I just want a nice job that gives me enough money for a couple weeks.
For adulthood at this point I don’t really care about owning a home or a family, it’s a waste of time when after tafe, university or more schooling ends. I will go back to keeping a job and returning to writing on the side. Stuff the family idea, I’ll just keep a job and do writing, and hopefully by that age I would have created a social life by then.
Back to the present and writing wise I have been trying to return to my glory days of when I was young and never worried about work, when the mind was stress free and filled of fun and imagination. Now that adulthood and reality has destroyed much of that I’ve lost the edge and will to get the writing bug. Time ‘resurrect’ the writing skills a little. Resurrection was a five piece assignment which I made five short stories. ‘Wild Western’ and ‘Personality Speaking’ are the funniest ones I’ve ever done which was very different for my style of writing, I did some jokes in ‘The Legend of Evermore’.
The others, ‘Silver Knight Escapes’ was like a penned sequel to the short novel that is now on paper after a hard drive meltdown called ‘The Silver Knight’ reminded me of some of the older work back in 1995. ‘The Dark Season’ comes from the last part of the Seasons series which has ever been made yet, called ‘Seasons of the Stars’ Gladus is the most evil character I have made in my stories, he is the root of all my the thrown into his person when I get mad, that’s what I do when I get mad. I write or listen to music or do walking. Not bash in a brick wall like my father.
So when Resurrection and this last chapter are done, I’m quitting writing for a while to do study and…. Study I guess. The webs tie will slow down to next to nothing. Until something big happens, like I publish a million dollar book, don’t laugh now. There is that 0.0001% percentage chance you know. It could be for over a year I think. I will be reading books and doing some editing of work during holidays.
The way I made my stories was what I thought at first was strange. Until I found out other writers did the same. I act out my characters and try to live their lives. I saw in a program that Charles Dickens did a similar thing when spoke to a number of mirrors at a time. Another was how J R Tolkien said about unexplored characters, that ‘He would go out and find it more about it’. He believed that the characters and the worlds were real. I also strongly believe with Tolkien that we don’t see ourselves as writer and creators but as explorers and chroniclers of an already existing world that awaited discovery.